Erasing is not an option I give me.

Of the many heavy questions that get thrown about amongst us gang of girls, philosophising after a long day and an even longer evening... this one came along, choking air off my lungs.

First some backdrop

Scene : Bunch of girls all in the age group of 24-26, Some borderline unemployed, some hate their jobs, some hate their bosses, some borderline unemployed, hated their previous work and their ex- bosses. Thick as thieves (yes believe me girls are that kinda friends too and way more often than is imagined), card games, pizzas, insane pranks, hours of mutual healthy insults, and decent amount of booze later sit and muse

The big question: To be... all pervasive, omnipresent in our circle from what would soon be our past lives (one way or the other) and 'hang in there' together or, Not to be... and shrink into our respective shells, figure out life, and then move towards 'the decided' with a focused-driven zeal.

The guilt a question so potent can cause, is like striking ice cold water unprepared.
Though all of us earned our dough, life suddenly seemed life a flamboyant extended holiday, all on my dad's credit card.

I confess that I have a tendency to assume guilt when its not mine to bear, but this time everything felt dead wrong, damn! smiling felt like a crime.

So I thought this one out and i am putting it down to be sure that i am sure :)

Nothing is stationary yet life is an accumulated sum total of all u have been and done, I am no stranger to tragedy, God has a funny way of loving me. I still bear the burden of years wasted in the so called focused attainment of my goals I could have done all that and been happy too. I chose to shut down, to erase and write again.

This time, i will not shun the people I love because of my troubles, I will not let this mar or mould my life. Things will be the way they are and if anything, only better.

Don't mistake me unemployment is a big deal. I am in hibernation, I will do my figuring out, and I will come out big. But there wont be anymore erasing.. it is what it is... not what should have been or what could have been... it is what it is... and I can make this work in my favor. I will.